1 month ago, i was weeping on my bed or
even on my way to the wake of my grandmother.

1 month ago, i’ve seen the family’s worth.

1 month ago, i’ve seen how much is grandma is being missed.

right now, the thought of how is grandma
doing in another world just comes to mind.

the thought of, expressing your thoughts and feeling to whoever;
becomes alive in me!

don’t keep you ‘sorry’, ‘thank you’ and ‘i love you’ so tight.
you never know when is the day,
that you are being missed by someone; or
you missing that someone physically…

a few weeks back, i received calls regarding arrangements to have interviews.
and mind you, those resumes are sent like way long ago.
probably in late july or early august.

thank God that the interviews went on smoothly=D
and i had 4 interviews back to back.
and i’m shortlisted for a 2nd interview out of the 4.
the rest turns out good.

alright, i’m accepting the job offered.
pay is not fantastic, but i’m looking forward to it.
distance could be a chore but i’m fine with it.
what matters is i’m at least exploring something that i longed to do=D

3 signs that i accepted the job:
1. the director and managements just offer me the job like naturally.
2. aunty wendy ended saying. “it’s something that you like right?”
3. my supervisor called me way before i’m suppose to give her a call.

take heart, sometimes opportunity is given to you just once.
pursue what’s that your heart is longing for and you never know until you try.
and right now, i’m taking the step of faith.
that’s to try.
i’ll never know if it’s my calling until i try.

i went for a talk, and that’s titled:
Questions Are Your Answers.

i totally agree with the speaker regarding his speech.
some things that he said just causes me to think…

1. Questions determines our life.
how is it so that questions determines our life?
this is so because when we ask questions, it directs our focus.
and thus the questions becomes how we think and how we feel.
us being humans that is a complicated animal;
complicated because of the special element that is in us.
the EMOTIONAL factor!
if you realise, birds seems to be flying high so freely.
fishes seems to swimming so happily.
and rabbits seems to be hopping here and there with excitements.
we too, humans!
just that we display our emotions outwardly or inwardly.
be it hiding from anyone your emotions and all,
the matter of fact is that we’re emotional creatures.
and that somehow spurred us to greater things that we want in life.
for example, after doing badly for your PSLE.
you felt sad because of the result and is not able to enter your dream secondary school.
so you asked yourself this question:’what can i do to enjoy my studies in my not ideal secondary school?’
so you thought through and tell yourself you got to work hard in your years in secondary school,
and participated in the camps and activities in school.
the outcome turned out to be GOOD!
and that determines your once in a lifetime secondary school period.
isn’t it worthwhile?=DD

2. Quality questions create a quality life.
the elaboration that the speaker gave was:
successful person usually ask better questions.
questions that causes them to be successful.
the example that the speaker gave was Donald Trump.
he’s a successful man, earning big bucks and all.
however sometime during his business; he hit a financial crisis.
thus he got no choice but to declared bankrupt.
and after 2 years, he’s back to where he was that he begin with.
probably even better; in terms of financial status.
i strongly believe that what you think actually made you to be who you are.
for example, when you think positively, you’ll bound to live a positive lifestyle.

3. All things started with a question.
just like how kids love to do.
it’s also how we always ask,
is it that we’ve got egg first or we’ve got chicken first?
who created me and where do we head to after death on earth etc etc.
just like Edward Madison who asked the question of,
“how do i make sure i can see in the dark?”
and his noble invention – light bulb came about=D

someone said, “it’s not what happen to you but it’s what we do about it!”
no point asking a question and not do anything about it, right?

so peeps, start asking yourself the question which pushes you to be a better person=D
please don’t soak in your own agony and think why does that bad thing happened to you,
but turn the question around and ask what can you do to make it better?

end of rumblings…

“Growth is often painful and scary,
there is no change without fear and loss.
And there is no loss without pain.
Every changes involves a loss of some kind;
You must let go of old ways,
In order to experience new.”

and i’d lost one of my dear one.
she is somewhere better,
i hope.

sometime this time last week,
i was anticipating and accepting the fact that
i’m losing my grandma physically.

though this grandma, i’m not as close to the one who i stays with.
but everytime i see her or visit her,
in the recent years;
my heart always goes out to her.
due to her being bedridden and  also
not able to talk and express her discomfort.

during the wake,
the thought of her being nice to me.
standing along the corridor of her place,
telling me about the little happenings in her lives;
and deep impression of her making hot cereals for my cousins everyday,
and me when i’m there for a stayover during school holidays.
all these just warms my heart.

it’s a relieve for her at least.
tears just rolled down my cheek,
unknowingly.

during the 5 days together,
with my aunties and uncles, cousins and cousin-in laws,
nieces and nephews.
i had a better understanding of them,
and also happy for my grandma that her off-springs are like many.

though it’s sad, i greatly appreciates the little greetings.
thank you everyone who have shown your concern towards me.

not forgetting my family members,
be it father’s side or mother’s side.
some of their concerns just touches me much.
so i said a little prayer of blessing on their behalves.

the memories i had with my beloved grandma stays in my heart.

P.S.: never take things for granted.

i was reminded of one of my lecturer,
without fail he will say, “ life is short” during his lectures and tutorials.
that is none other than, Mr John Chan.
i remembered that,
my classmates will be so irritated because of his repetitions.
but come to think of it, isn’t it true?

i literally can see my granny’s health deteriorating,
aunties and uncle growing grey hairs,
(though they are vain, had their hair coloured! hahhaa.)
cousins growing up,
me about to enter adulthood.
isn’t it part of growing up?

growing up is an ongoing process.
good and bad encounter each of us definitely will experience.
most importantly, is that we take heart and learnt and give a good thought on it.
because i believe that having your very own views and opinions;
will mould you to be someone that’s who you are to be.
it’s like one without views, opinions and all;
it’s heading no-where.
life is just like aimless.

just like how each of us learn our life skills…
no one taught us,
or i should say there’s no absolute complete manual
to the guidelines of how to embrace adulthood,
etc etc growing up skills.

it’s the little encounters that we faced that causes,
our mind or body to have the natural reaction of:
how to handle things better the next time when we encounter the same thing.

i would like to conclude this post by sharing with your this quote:
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, love with true love, laugh without control and always keep smiling. Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we’re here and we can still dance….."

i feel that it’s just so true about what the quote is trying to convey.
things will just fall into place for us so long,
we take the step of faith in doing what you feel it should be.
even though it’s something that we don’t really like.

like what charis always mention,
if you can’t beat them, join them!
most of all, since you are in it;
must as will make the best out of it.

and it’s just like what fidah shared with me some day backed,
.baoling.chloe.:
life is never easy, but it’s a gift from God=D
· fifidada ·  `:
And since it’s a gift, we should fully make use of it (:

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message to jia: my pleasure to have inspire you=D would love to post the good old days spent together during secondary school days! but, i ransack my lappie; and found none! hahhaa=D

message to fidah: yes yes? hello there too!